I don’t think I’ve ever been big on birthday celebrations.
I dislike public announcements and that includes a neon colored chalky scribbles on the classroom’s bulletin board, the now almost inescapable social media and the rest of the Internets. I dislike birthday parties held in my honor, no matter how grand or even how intimate (with the exception of family and The Husband). This is why I’ve never had any, except maybe those that my parents prepared when I still had no consciousness about the awkwardness of parties. I dislike grandoise birthday presents. Maybe because its been a while since I’ve received any or, more so, bought myself one. Or even dismissed the need to even have any. Birthday gifts are wants, not needs. I dislike the fuss that everybody makes, trying to make you feel extra special on that one day. Why can’t ordinary days be special too?
Is this the introvert in me, ever allergic to fanfare, speaking or am I just a birthday grinch? Okay, call me the ugly green birthday monster now, but I don’t actually dislike everything about birthday celebrations.
Of course, I do like birthday cake! Nothing extra special. Just the mocha flavored moist sponge cake, covered in mocha buttercream icing topped with a red or blue toothpaste-like gel scrawl of “Happy Birthday!” and pink, blue and white sugar flowers. Please give me the corner slice – The one with the most icing! Want those sugar flowers? That I don’t like.
Though you can still have cake even if its not your birthday, right?
Yep, I’m sure you’ve figured out that all this talk about birthdays means that today is my birthday. My 33rd birthday. I have no shame in my age. Maybe because I don’t look it. Do I? I thank my lucky stars for my fab Asian roots.
Today, my birthday, will be like any other day. Or maybe any other weekend.
Because The Husband and I will be uncelebrating with a nice meal, preferably cooked by someone else (because cooking housewives – no matter how much they looooooove cooking – would love a small break sometimes). I am actually still deciding over Korean BBQ or an all-American hamburger with its deep fried trimmings and a thick milkshake or wood-oven baked pizza. What do you think we will end up eating?
Or maybe I will be eating everything. Not because it is a special day, but because I am just a ravenous growing girl…growing sideways.
Apart from birthday cakes, there is this one other thing that I don’t dislike about birthdays: birthday wishes. And I am entitled to make at least one.
I could make a birthday wish list right here and now. This list of material things is endless, so I’d rather not go in deep or even bother to scratch the surface. Besides I know I can work for those things. It may take time, but I will get there…one day.
For me, birthday wishes are reserved for things that you almost can’t have even if you work real hard and even real smart. Birthday wishes are reserved for things that need a wave of a wand of a fairy godmother or a sprinkle of pixie dust. Birthday wishes are prayers for miracles.
So I have one birthday wish, one prayer, this year. No more. And this year’s birthday wish is COURAGE.
The courage to embrace myself wholly: good and bad, strengths and weaknesses, successes and mistakes, past, present and the hopes of my future.
The courage to admit “I am scared sh*t to my bare bones” yet still bleed my truths, my stories, my soul…even if it may not always be of flowers, rainbows, stars and unicorns.
The courage to relive all of my stories by moving my ever shaking, nimble fingers across the blank page.
The courage to click that “send” button for that story pitch, that working draft that’s been sitting there for months.
The courage to click that “publish” button. What’s the point of being the the world self-publishing if I can’t maximize it anyway?
The courage to be and remain authentic, to sway to my own sick beat and not to the howl of the winds of expectations and trolls inside my head.
That is all I want for my birthday: COURAGE. Maybe be as courageous as Taylor Swift. Sssssshhhhhhhh! Don’t tell that I do have a small creative crush on her.
You see, I’ve never been big on birthdays. I dislike public announcements, but here am I making one. Maybe I am not such a birthday grinch after all.
Happy birthday to me! Chin chin! Salud! Cheers! Thanks to all those who’ve greeted over the Internets.
Now leave me in peace to sink my face into a nice hefty slice of birthday cake.