Through NFFFs (a.k.a New Found Foodie Friends), I’ve gained more knowledge about the holy month of Ramadan. Of course, to us non-Muslim foodies, it is a time for fasting AND Iftars. But there is so much more to Ramadan.
Shaima says in her introduction to Ramadan post that “Ramadan is a time to reflect on your actions…to teach us patience, to be pious, restraint from temptations…to seek greater things beyond worldly pleasures.” I could compare it to the Lenten season for us Catholics, when we are given time (40 days from As Wedesday to Easter Sunday right?) to meditate on our past, the present and what we envision for the future.
Even if I am not Muslim, I actually want to take advantage of this time of prayer and reflection. I hope my Muslim friends do not mind…
AND to my Catholic friends, I am not converting to Islam. Just to get that out of the way.
It’s just that I am in dire need of life direction setting and taking an active stance in moving towards whatever direction that is. I still do not have a crystal clear picture of that direction, so let’s leave it at that. I feel that everything is up in the air, very much beyond my control. This is extra difficult, especially with my controlling personality. Yes, behind my shy, meek and mild exterior is a diabolical mind. Mwahahahaha! Just kidding!
These past few days, especially last night on the eve of Ramadan, I’ve thought long and hard about my pursuit of this pipe dream called food writing. I know I started this blog to write about food. Hopefully I’d get to write a book about food.
But I’m just STUCK.
Aside from being a control freak, I also can’t seem to see past my obstacles in a snap. I usually mull over them for days, weeks, or, at it’s worst, months. Let me show you how the neurotic me does it…
FIRST of all, I am not a chef. Nor am I an experienced cook. I can cook SOME recipes, especially pasta, which is fairly simple and works with endless flavor combinations. I still don’t know how to cook lots of other recipes like The Husband’s favorites 🙁 BUT I am very much willing to learn, especially about ingredients, principles and theories of cooking. Dubai is just overflowing with ingredients from around the world. Some I’ve never, ever seen before! The nerd that I am, I’ve actually bought myself some books like What Einstein Told His Cook (for future reading) and plan to buy some more books (Maybe Harold McGee’s textbook?) plus maybe enroll in Top Chef University (just because I am victim of the Top Chef franchise’s marketing). Or maybe just self-learning everything (since everything is practically on the Internet) and doing it by myself. It is a messy, crazy process; but could still work. Could it?
SECOND, I enjoy eating out ALOT. I’m actually a notorious source of restaurant recommendations for my family, friends and colleagues. And Dubai is just crawling with wonderful restaurants for the taking! Fortunately for me, I am broke (but very much in love! HA!). So I’ve got no significant spending power for eating out now The Husband and I have very different preferences, so I really can’t bug him into treating me to restaurants, where he would not be happy. I really do miss eating out alone for my own pleasure. BUT I am working out that money making kink and, Godwillingly, will get some more money in my pocket very soon. Can you help visualize that for me?
THIRD, I think that my creative writing skills are downright rusty. I really know in my heart that I can do so much more. That’s what I get for sticking with reports, business emails and presentations WITHOUT any creative writing. My vocabulary is so limited. Sentences too straightforward. Too many “regards” “as per” “see attached” was not good for creative health. I can actually taste the blandness of my writing. Tastes like scratch paper to me. Gross. BUT then again, the nerdy, bookish me bought another book to help me with my food writing. After years of scouring bookstores, I finally got a hold of Dianne Jacob’s Will Write for Food. So will I document my writing through the book? I don’t know. Maybe yes. Maybe no. Is it worth a try?
FOURTH, I feel very insecure about my food photography right now. Ugly pictures on blogs are a pet peeve of mine. But the Dubai bloggers (yes, I’ve already met a number of them personally. Check out their blogs on the sidebar :-)) take such beautiful photographs. Note I said photographs and not pictures because really, each photograph is well-thought of and tells a story. I swoon, gush and sigh every time I catch a glimpse of their photos. I really wish I could take beautiful photographs too. I am STILL very much willing to learn. I took a photography class two years ago and I just want to refresh my knowledge and inspire myself again. Maybe invest in my gear too. As long as I get some money in my pocket, I don’t think that would be a problem. So please help visualize more money for me please? Pretty please?
LASTLY, I think I am very shy. After dumping all of the above, I call myself shy? YES. I used to be very outspoken and couldn’t care less of what other people think about me. But sh*t happened and I just clam up in fear of what others would say 🙁 Now that deserves a super sad face. This post is actually a breakthrough for me, opening myself up to the rest of the Internet universe. This is my small step for now, which would hopefully lead to a giant leap.
After this long post, I still don’t know exactly what direction I want to take my blog. Drat. Double drat. But I did remember some wise words from a writer friends: “If you want to be a writer…just write on.” So write on I will.
Wish me luck.
Delirious about delicious,